It could have been me
by yellowrose8
Summary: This is a post Pain in the Heart story with Brennan's reactions to the events in that episode. The story takes place the night of the last scene of the episode. The story contains spoilers from the three newest episodes. Story contains light fluff.


It was almost midnight

It was almost midnight. She slides her hand under the rock and gropes for the key. Unlocking the door, she pokes her head inside the apartment.

"Booth?" she whispers into the room.

"I'm in the kitchen, Bones. Come on in."

"I hope you don't mind me breaking in again, I didn't want to wake you if you were already asleep" she states as she closes the door behind her and walks into the kitchen.

"No, I couldn't fall asleep, too much on my mind. I decided a cup of hot chocolate was the best solution. Would you like one?"

"I don't see how a cup of hot chocolate will help you sleep. It's loaded with chocolate and sugar, neither which are conducive for sleeping… but I'll take one anyway."

Booth head over to the sink and fills another mug with water. Brennan helps herself to a cookie from Booth's cookie jar and then plops down on a barstool next to his kitchen counter.

"I couldn't sleep either," Brennan mumbles through a mouthful of cookie crumbs. "And somehow talking to you always seems to make me feel better."

Booth finishes preparing the hot chocolate and leads Brennan to the couch. They both sit in silence, sipping their hot chocolate. Brennan sets down her mug and turns toward Booth. Booth finds himself staring into two beautiful blue eyes that are beginning to fill with tears. "It could have been me," Brennan says wiping her eyes.

"What are you talking about, Bones?"

"Zack did what he did because it was logical and was persuaded with a reasonable argument. He chose logic over emotion and morals. I'm the same way, Booth. I block out my emotion so I can think rationally. If Gormagon persuaded Zack with logical reasoning, he could have done the same with me. If the facts had added up, maybe I would have murdered the lobbyist."

With that, the tears began flowing faster and harder from Brennan's eyes. Booth turned and faced her. He set down his mug and rested his hand on hers. He began stroking her hair with his free hand. Brennan began to sob and buried her face into his shoulder.

"I don't believe you would ever intentionally kill anyone, Bones."

"I killed Pam" she mumbled into his shoulder.

"Intentionally?"

"Well no, she was aiming at me. I just shot at her so I could get back to helping you."

"You didn't mean to kill her. You just did what you had to do to protect yourself and the people around you. That's a choice cops have to make all the time. I've had to make that choice before. It's not easy and you always feel guilty afterwards, but it's the right choice."

"At my father's trial, Sweets said he thought I was capable of murder. He said it was the danger of the totally rational human being. Zack rationalized his acts, I probably would have too. That scares me, Booth."

Booth continued to stoke her hair as her blue disappeared back into his shoulder.

"Bones, think about your father's trial. Was creating reasonable doubt by making yourself look like a suspect rational?"

"It was the only opportunity for him to go free."

"But was it rational?"

"I suppose not. I could have prosecuted instead."

"Right. You acted on emotion and heart. When you and your father saved me, were all your actions rational?"

"No, I guess not. I acted on instinct and barely thought anything through… I could have gotten us both killed. I should have let authorities handle it."

"I could have been killed in the mean time. It was your emotions that saved me, not logic. When you and Hodgins were buried in your car, Zack was going to give up when the time ran out. It wasn't logical to think you would have survived. The rest of us urged him to keep working and none of us gave up because we had faith that you would still be alive. There is nothing rational about that. You two didn't give up either. You had faith in us. Your emotions were stronger than your rational thinking. Bones, you have emotions that you tend to keep under the surface, buried by your rational thinking. But they are there and they do guide your actions."

Those beautiful blue eyes were staring back up at Booth. "Maybe I should trust my emotions more."

"That would be that rational thing to do, they haven't failed you yet."

A smile slowly slid across Brennan's face and her tears began to slow. It was the first smile Booth had seen on Brennan since she figured out that Zack was guilty.

"Thank you, Booth. I really loved Zack. He was like family to me. I'm really going to miss him."

"Me too, Bones."

Booth turned to face forward again and flipped his feet up onto the coffee table. Brennan slipped her shoes off and did the same. Booth slid his arm behind her and pulled her into his side. She turned slightly and rested her head on his shoulder and her hand on his chest. He placed his head lightly on top of hers. The hot chocolate must have worked because both caught up on the sleep that they hadn't been able to find.


End file.
